Movie A Day!: Taste Of Tarzan

It’s been a long week of hospital visits. things are getting better. Hold tight, we’re nearly through this year.

Here’s what I have watched this past week and a bit.

Dario Argento's World of Horror Poster
451 12/29 Dario Argento’s World Of Horror (1985) 2.5/5   Documentary on Argento that features some great behind the scenes footage, primarily from Phenomena, but takes itself so seriously as a “horror” type film with clips that it’s more ridiculous than interesting and feels like a missed opportunity.

Mulberry St. Poster
452 12/01 Mulberry St. (2010) 3/5   Abel Ferrara’s documentary on the street he was from in New York, and where many of his films took place. Focusing mostly on the feast of San Gennaro, it’s a rambling film of neighbourhood stories that is far more watchable than it should be.


453 12/04 Bat Pussy (1973) 1.5/5   Possibly the first superhero porn parody, this one is so inept in every way that it’s a chore to watch at 50 minutes. Majority of the film is take after endless take from the same camera set-up of a couple improving lines on a bed and engaging in action. A few bits are Bat Pussy out to save the city from them? Only fun to be had is watching Bat Pussy bouncing around on a Hop-It. Everything else is bad bad, not fun bad in any real way. It could have been a lot of fun, but it ultimately fails.

Next are a couple of shorts found on the Bat Pussy blu-ray.

454 12/05 Dating: Do’s and Don’ts (1949) 3/5   Instructional film showing boys & girls how to have a classy date. I could have used this 30 years ago.

455 12/05 The Shoplifter (1964) 3/5   Instructional short showing retail business how to spot and prevent shoplifting. It’s actually pretty interesting to see all the tricks of the trade. I’m pretty sure I can get away with some five-finger discounts now.

This next one is a bonus film found on the Bat Pussy blu-ray and manages to be even worse.

456 12/06 Robot Love Slaves (1971) 1.5/5   A dire softcore cheapy about a scientist reanimating dead girls into love slaves. Only notable for some cult adult stars like Sandy Dempsey. Not worth seeking out.

Love Camp 7 Poster
457 12/07 Love Camp 7 (1969) 3.5/5   I can’t believe I’m rating this one this high. A nasty exploitation in every way about a couple of women agents infiltrating a Nazi sex camp to smuggle out a rocket engineer. It’s all high concept for the most base sexploitation, and is pretty much irredeemable morally. But for what it is, it’s not bad? This is my second viewing and it holds up despite being reprehensible.

Nazithon: Decadence and Destruction Poster
458 12/08 Nazithon: Decadence and Destruction (2013) 1.5/5   Trailer compilation of naziploitation that is low quality in every way despite showing the “good” bits.


459 12/09 Abar: The First Black Superman (1977) 2/5   Abar is fighting the man, especially after the white folk go bonkers when a black doctor moves into their neighbourhood. Problem with this one is it takes almost the entire running time to get going. Once it does, it’s not really worth it.

Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze Poster
460 12/09 Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze (1975) 3/5   Finally got around to this one and frankly it left me a little conflicted. It’s goofy, played too kiddy and light in tone and more than ridiculous. It’s also fairly accurate to the book. Give this a more serious tone and it would have been a classic. As it is, it’s more a curio.

Tarzan the Ape Man Poster
461 12/10 Tarzan The Ape Man (1981) 2.5/5   John Derek has to film his wife Bo nude again, so this time it’s the Tarzan story that gets the excuse. I vaguely recall seeing this one back in the 80’s and revisiting it, it’s not good. It’s goofy and frankly not filmed very well with lots of dodgy slow motion. It also features Richard Harris being maximum Richard Harris which I find kind of fun but it wears a little thin.

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Scary Movie Challenge 2017 Part 1

As warned, the Scary Movie Challenge has started. I tend to post these when I get around 10 films, so you’ll have to deal with it I guess. This one is 12.

Started the challenge with a dip into Arrow Videos Hellraiser: The Scarlet Box set.


292 10/01 Hellraiser (1987) 4/5   Nice to see this one hold up so well. Uncle Frank gets his hand on a puzzle box and solving it opens the gates to hell. It’s icky and thought provoking in both it’s horror and sexuality. It’s a shame the sequels never capitalized on it.


293 10/01 Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) 3.5/5   A direct sequel to the first one sees the characters return for more Cenobite action. This one goes quite big, with extended scenes in hell to keep it interesting despite a kind of dopey plot about a doctor investigating the goings on in the first film. Also features an origin story of sorts for Pinhead, so worth it for that too.


294 10/01 Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992) 3/5   Pinhead is back, this time trapped in a rich kids gaudy statue and a news reporter gets caught up investigating the weird goings on. This one isn’t terrible, but it is a step down in that the LA rock club setting and quipping new Cenobites just don’t match with what was built in the first two.


295 10/01 Rattlers (1976) 3/5   Rattlesnakes are ganging up and killing people in the desert and it’s up to a snake professor to figure it out! Yes, the movie  is corny as hell but it manages to mostly work with it’s dopey premise. It’s a fun watch at any rate which is more than you can say for most of these goofy animal attack pictures.


296 10/02 Phenomena (1985) 3.5/5    A young girl sent to a boarding school gets wrapped up in a murder mystery with the help of her psychic connection to insects and a monkey. Dario Argento’s weird “Nancy Drew” is a bit of a mess both story wise and production wise with its shifting metal soundtrack. This was my first time watching the 116 minute cut, and while I’m no expert I did enjoy this one more than I did my first go round. Jennifer Connelly is great as the young girl despite being a bit stiff as an actress at this early young point of her career, but her detachment largely works in favour of the picture. Anyways, no one will mistake this one as a masterpiece, but it is interesting and worth a look.


297 10/02 The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970) 4.5/5   Revisted the film that put Dario Argento on the map and solidified the Giallo as a genre. An American writer in Italy witnesses a murder and gets wrapped up in the investigation. It’s got a huge Hitchcock stamp on it plot wise, but where in a Hitchcock film you would see Cary Grant swaggering through the posh part of town, this one has a more gritty look and feel with a ton of style. The whole thing simply works and is a genuine masterpiece.


298 10/03 Popcorn (1991) 3/5   This is one I recall kicking around the video shops for ages but I never bit on since at the time I was completely over the goofy comedy horror brought on by the Nightmare on Elm Street sequels. Ends up being a fun little film about a bunch of film students who put on a horror-thon in order to raise funds. Ends up one of the students has a past that’s about to catch up with her. Basically a rip on Phantom of the Opera to a degree, it manages to not get too annoying and the movies in the movie stuff from the marathon are fun.


299 10/05 Caltiki The Immortal Monster (1959) 4/5   I’m probably rating this one higher than I should, but I love a good monster movie and this one is a GREAT monster movie! A group are exploring Myan ruins and boy, do they ever discover something. All signs point to this being a Mummy movie, but it’s much worse. Lean, mean and nasty, it’s a ton of fun with some shockingly graphic effects for the time. I guess I should also mention that cinematographer and effects artist Mario Bava’s hand is all over this one, stylistically.


300 10/05 Pulse (2001) 3/5   Another Japanese ghost story, this time with ghosts using the internet to come through? Maybe? I’ll be honest, I had a hard time following this one. I don’t know if something’s lost in the translation or what, but it didn’t make a ton of sense. What saves it is the atmosphere. It manages to be beautiful and creepy, and since the characters get a little foggy as the film goes on I think we can excuse the story for being muddled.

Image result for Shock 1977
301 10/06 Shock (1977) 3/5   Mario Bava’s final film has budget issues that are apparent in it’s look, but aside from that ends up being a pretty good ghost story. A woman moves back to the house she shared with her late husband, and his ghost seems to be influencing her little boy. No one will mistake it for a masterpiece, but it manages to do the job and keep you interested which is more than you can say about most of these films.

Image result for the church 1989
302 10/06 The Church (1989) 2.5/5   Dario Argento produces and his daughter has a role in this one about a church built on the site where crusaders killed a bunch of pagans back in the day. Now under renovations, they disturb the dead and you can just imagine how it goes. This was one of those pictures where if I wasn’t binge-ing films in October I might of gotten more out of it than I did. I also watched the version shown on TCM, so no idea if anything was cut or not, there was just nothing all that exceptional about it.


303 10/07 He Knows You’re Alone (1980) 2/5   Recorded this one off of TCM so I have no idea if it was edited. A run of the mill slasher short both on T&A and gore, it’s most noteworthy thing is a small bit part by Tom Hanks. Otherwise, you can find better.

Beginning with Failure. Scary Movie Challenge 2016 Part 1

2017. I think it’s safe to say that in the large scheme of things 2016 was a pretty rough year. It seemed to be the death of everything, our culture, our politics, the literal world. Things feel hopeless. I need to do something with my brain other than think about the BIG STUFF. At least until I’m able to dedicate time to actually do something about the state of the big stuff.

I’ve decided to restart my “Movie A Day” list. Let’s see if I make it past May before quitting. I am making no promises. The ultimate goal is to watch 365 new movies a year. As I get older, the odds of that happening become less and less. Still, movies are fun right? I’ll also be including TV Shows and whatever the fuck else I feel like writing about. I’ll try to stay away from current events.

New films will be in RED.

To start, I’m going to recap the scary movie challenge from 2016. Here’s the first bit.

Don’t worry, I don’t plan all these posts to be this long, just the scary movie catch-ups.

001 01/10 Evils Of The Night (1985) Blu-ray 2.5/5  Aliens are draining teenagers of their blood! This one is literally T&A and blood, with the emphasis on the former. There’s so much T&A that porn star Amber Lynn is cast in a bit part. Main cast of alien vampires is Tina Louise and Julie Newmar being lead by ancient John Carradine. It’s not very good, it’s more fun bad. Looks great though. (That is the Millennium Falcon you are seeing on the poster. Not featured in the film, sadly.)

002 01/10 Count Dracula’s Great Love (1973) Blu-ray 3.5/5   Paul Naschy is Dracula in this Spanish production. Typical “Dracula Needs Virgin Blood to Resurrect his girl” stuff, but it’s really well done with an atmosphere that reminded me of the Hammer Studio films. Gothic romance with some nice gore, lots to recommend and the Vinegar Syndrome blu-ray has it looking great.

003 01/10 Horror House on Highway Five (1985) Blu-ray 3/5   A killer in a Nixon mask, weird Nazi rocket science and students being hunted down. It barely makes sense, it might not make sense. It’s pretty much the definition of low budget psycho-tronic slasher. Vinegar Syndrome Blu looks good with some nice special features.

004 01/10 Salem’s Lot (1979) Blu-ray 4/5   I thought I had seen this one, but I was thinking of the Rob Lowe remake. Or I dreamed it. Anyways, this was excellent. It’s been way too long since I read the book to be able to tell how close it was, but it was fine all the same. Aside from some awkward edits where the commercial breaks are you wouldn’t think this was made for TV. A great balance of suspense and horror, with a fantastic cast. James Mason is always great to watch and Geoffrey Lewis steals every scene he’s in while Tobe Hooper keeps things moving. Recommended.

005 02/10 Hellbent (1988) Blu-ray 2.5/5   A punk rock deal with the devil for stardom film. By Richard Casey who directed “Horror House on Highway 5”, this one is more silly action/drama than horror. Good music, decent performances help but it’s still a near no-budget offering. The Vinegar Syndrome blu-ray looks great.

006 02/10 Doctor Butcher M.D. (1980) Blu-ray 4/5   A mad Doctor is doing terrible experiments in this Times Square classic. It’s more “Cannibal Holocaust” than “Mad Doctor” in that it’s a jungle picture, but boy does it deliver. Loved it, sleazy gory fun that you know you want. The blu-ray of this from Severin is spotless and feature packed, I’ll watch all those after the challenge. (UPDATE: The special features were as solid as I suspected)

007 02/10 Zombie Holocaust (1980) Blu-ray 3.5/5   The original film that turned into “Doctor Butcher”. It’s fine and while not much different, I liked the add-on bits to Doctor Butcher. Looks good on blu, but you can tell that Doctor Butcher got all the restoration love.

008 02/10 Carnival Of Souls (1962) Blu-ray 4/5   A woman survives a car accident to discover her life falling apart. Few films capture the nightmare life dreamscape as well as this one. It’s one of the few films where “less is more” actually works. I think this was my third time watching it, and it just keeps getting better. The Criterion blu-ray is definitive.

009 10/03 Black Sabbath (American Version)(1963) Blu-ray 3/5   First time watching this one after loving the Italian version last challenge. It’s good, but doesn’t compare. It’s missing the mood and style. Swapping around the stories is one thing, editing them is another. THE TELEPHONE becomes a clunky supernatural thriller instead of a proto-giallo, and none of the stories benefit from the music replacement which is jokey compared to the original. It’s also missing the fantastic Karloff closer! Italian version is a solid 4 stars.

010 10/03 Cat In The Brain (1990) Blu-ray 3.5/5   Lucio Fulci directs this one and stars as himself. Playing a director who fears he is losing his mind after making so many gory horror films, this one is pretty much a non-stop greatest hits of gore scenes. There’s not much else to say, I’m giving it a higher rating than it probably deserves, but I had fun with it and it delivered the gory goods.

011 10/04 Blue Sunshine (1977) Blu-ray 3.5/5   People are losing their hair and going on murderous rampages! It’s way better than that sentence makes it sound. An LSD based thriller more than all out horror, it manages to work really well. Zalman King of “Red Shoe Diaries” infamy is the star, and he’s not a great leading man but gets the job done. This is the second film I’ve seen him star in, and he just doesn’t have much personality but still manages to be pretty good. Weird. Anyway, the new blu-ray from Filmcentrix is gorgeous and packed with extras. If you buy it from their site you get all sorts of physical goodies. This is their first dip into non-porn (they previously did amazing work restoring “Opening Of Misty Beethoven” and “Barbara Broadcast” on blu-ray under their home banner of Distribpix) and it shows the same care and attention. I wish they would be more prolific, but it’s a one man show and that one man is doing the big work. I’ll watch the extras after the challenge. (UPDATE: The extras were fantastic.)

012 10/05 Planet of the Vampires (1965) Blu-ray 4/5   Mario Bava does sci-fi, at least for the first 15 minutes or so. A pair of spaceships are investigating a distress signal on a planet. Once in orbit, they’re forced to land, get hit with “space madness” and find that they’re very bodies are at risk of being taken over. Clearly an inspiration for “Alien”, Bava makes this cheapie work by pouring on the colours and atmosphere to create a genuinely creepy suspense film. I really need to pick up more Bava, every film of his I’ve seen is a gem.

013 10/05 The Sinful Dwarf (1973) Bluray 3/5   Olaf the dwarf and his mom run a boarding house that fronts for a sex slave and heroin ring. This Danish film is as grimy and sleazy as it’s reputation has absolutely earned. Reminded me a bit of “Blood Sucking Freaks”, only not as fun and with none of the crazy over the top gore. Still a sleazy trip to take, the hardcore inserts make it even more gruelling. Good stuff though in that it successfully does what it was aiming for. For Eurotrash/sleaze fans only, everyone else will want to stay away.

014 10/06 Hillbilly’s In A Haunted House (1967) DVR 1.5/5   A couple of country singers on the way to a jamboree in Nashville stop over night at a haunted house. Only it’s not a haunted house, it’s a secret base for spies. Ferlin Husky and the country folk have the personality of grass growing and old horror stars John Carradine, Lon Chaney Jr. and Basil Rathbone can’t elevate the material. One whole star is given to the fact that Merle Haggard gets to perform two songs. Otherwise this one was a piece of shit.

015 10/07 Village of the Damned (1995) Blu-ray 3/5   John Carpenter updates the 1960 classic. Tells the same story and over does it a bit in typical remake fashion. Christopher Reeves is good as the lead, my main problem were the kids. The acting was fine, but why dress them the same as the 60’s version if you’re not doing a period picture? Anyway, it’s not the worst thing Carpenter has done and good enough to keep you entertained for 90 minutes.

016 10/07 Tenebrae (1982) Blu-ray 3.5/5   An American writer doing press in Rome gets involved with murders when a maniac starts to copy his book. I enjoyed this one. Argento is doing a giallo as opposed to the supernatural stuff I’m more familiar with and the film really works. The only thing I didn’t care for was the music. Too 80’s synth that I thought cheapened the production instead of enhancing it.

017 10/08 Body Bags (1993) Blu-ray 3.5/5   Anthology film, original pitched for TV. John Carpenter directs two stories, Tobe Hooper gets one. All of them are actually really good. Carpenter is a fun horror host in the EC Comics tradition, none of the stories look extra cheap and all of the stories are packed with fun horror cameos from directors and what not. Good stuff.

018 10/08 Deadly Blessing (1981) Blu-ray 3/5   A religious community comes under suspicion after a tractor accident leaves a woman widowed. Wes Craven is doing some interesting stuff in this one, but the real highlight is the bathtub scene that will get reused to better results in Nightmare On Elm Street. Not a bad film by any means, just a case of Craven having done better.

019 10/09 Why Horror? (2014) Stolen 2/5   Documentary feature many horror legends and experts talking about why we crave horror films and what not. Except they don’t get as much time as filmmaker host Tal Zimmerman who makes this a personal film because he had a baby. I’m really starting to hate “documentaries” like this where the focus is the hosts journey. The only guy that can pull it off is Louis Theroux, and that’s because he’s perfected the art of stepping back to allow the subject to come through. This one annoyed the shit out of me. Who cares what John Carpenter or George Romero have to say when you can sit in an MRI and have your brain scanned while watching a movie. (Don’t get this Canadian stated on the MRI use in this one.) Skip it.

020 10/09 Sleepaway Camp (1983) Blu-ray 4/5   First time seeing this one. It’s a low budget “Friday The 13th” knock off, but a nasty little sucker where the kids get attacked instead of just the councillors. Also had a hell of a twist ending that plays perfectly. It rises above what it should be, which I doubt the sequels do.

021 10/09 Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988) Blu-ray 3.5/5   All the “Who done it?” stuff from the first one is out the door and they aged up the campers for nudity. It sends this one straight to typical slasher land, but it’s a pretty good slasher for what it is with an interesting enough bent in that the killer is pretty much the protagonist which is unusual. I’m sure it will all fall apart in the third one.

022 10/09 Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989) Blu-ray 3/5   This one is another drop in quality. It’s not terrible, and I still like the killer as protagonist angle. It’s just a bit plodding and too cheap to stand up to the other two.

023 10/10 Witchboard (1986) Blu-ray 2.5/5   It’s exactly what you think it is. People dick around with a Ouija board, piss off an evil spirit and blah blah blah. It’s about as good as this type of film could be, which isn’t very memorable. I think my brain flagged this one as being better due to Tawny Kittan being in it, which would of been a big deal in 1986. Not so big a deal these days.

024 10/10 Dolls (1987) Blu-ray 3/5   A family gets stranded and stay in a house with a pair of old people who make dolls. They come alive and attack them. This one has a kid in the lead which never impresses me. The doll effects are good and it’s interesting, but it’s not on the level of the better Stuart Gordon pictures.

025 10/10 Night Of The Demons (1988) Blu-ray 3/5   I thought I had seen this one, but I had it mixed up with the Argento “Demons”. Anyway, this one wasn’t too bad. A gaggle of 80’s kids decide to party down in a mortuary only to awaken evil spirits since the mortuary is possessed. It starts out wanting to be “Return of the Living Dead’ mixed with “Evil Dead” and is kind of annoying, but once it gets going it’s pretty good.

026 10/10 Der Todesking (1990) Bluray 3.5/5   This is Buttgereit’s follow up to the notorious “Nekromantic”. This one is as much an art film as opposed to a horror like his prior film. That said, it still manages to get it’s hooks in you and be pretty disturbing. Seven episodes, one for each day of the week, on the theme of suicide, each bridged with imagery of a rotting corpse. So yeah, not a fun movie, but a good one.

Whelp, that’s the first 10 days of October for the challenge. Revisiting this I realize this is about the worst way to watch films in a critical manner. Films that are getting worse reviews than they deserve due to being watched alongside films that are probably not as good as I rate them. I’m rating films higher for being more interesting compared to the more standard fair. Oh well, it is what it is and I’ll make the same mistakes during the 2017 challenge.