Movie A Day! 46-50: Awkward Blog

It’s a weird one this time folks. Talking vaginas, Mummy’s, Beck, there’s a little bit of everything in this batch.


046 02-07 Mai Lin Vs. Serena (1982) 2/5
This one is the second feature on the same Peekarama disc with the previously looked at ORIENTAL HAWAII, and sadly also wasn’t all that great. Carlos Tobalina (again directing under a pseudonym) cameos as himself, offering a $25,000 contract (which is hilarious, he probably made two entire features for that amount) to the star who can prove they are the “hottest”. Basically sets up a bunch of uninspired, poorly shot sex scenes, (and one flat out gross) to make for a really bland raincoater that’s well on the tail, crappy end of the porno chic era.


047 02-08 57th Annual Grammy Awards (2015) 3/5
Got rooked into watching these, and I have to admit, it wasn’t terrible. Pretty much non-stop music performances, and for the most part everyone was at least interesting to watch if not flat out amazing like Annie Lenox and Tom Jones. Plus Beck got a couple, which for a geezer like me makes it feel like an old pal won since I’ve been listening to him for so long. Oh, and LL Cool J is still a shithead.


048 02-08 Chatterbox! (1977) 3/5
A woman one night discovers that her vagina can talk, and boy is that vagina sassy! Her “Chatterbox” has a really good voice, so her psychiatrist helps launch a singing/acting career. I’m not making any of this up, and it’s actually a comedy and not a porno (no vagina is actually shown). It’s piss poor and cheap, the boom mike is in as many shots as it is out of (though the film may be cropped wrong on the DVD since it’s full screen instead of wide) and none of the actors are all that great. Candice Rialson in the lead manages to make it all work since she pulls off the sexy but naive lead role of the woman cursed with a talking vagina. Plus it has Rip Taylor mincing his way through an extended cameo, so that’s enough about that one.


049 02-09 The Mummy’s Curse (1944) 2.5/5
After the surprisingly poetic end of the last picture, I don’t think we needed any more Mummy movies. This one has the swamp that Kharis and Anaka ended up in being drained 20 years after the previous events (which based on the timeline set in the first film, should of had this one taking place in the 80’s), so some Egyptian goof is trying to wrangle up the Mummy’s for some reason that’s never really made clear. There’s some neat scenes in this, but the series has worn out it’s welcome that not even Lon Chaney Jr. as the Mummy can hold any attention.


050 02-11 The Book Of Negroes (2015) 2.5/5
This one was a 6-part mini-series on the good ole’ CBC, eh! Based on the book of the same name (at least in Canada, I think it was renamed for other territories), it tells the story of a young girl who was taken from Africa and sold into slavery in the late 1700’s. It’s pretty much 6 episode of varying misery, but an incredible all the same. Until you find out that it’s a historical fiction and the woman’s story you just watched didn’t actually exist. It’s a shame, since based on being able to read, write and speak three or four languages on top of being fearless in speaking to authority, the lead is practically super-powered for the period and I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t an icon for the feminist movement. So to have her that strong, and not based on an actual person, well, it’s bullshit and while the show was good, as was everyone in it, it’s clouded to me.

I can’t help but think that the “educated black” is a trope for movies about the slave trade as a way to make white audiences more sympathetic. 12 YEARS A SLAVE had it with the wrong enslaving of a classically trained violinist and BOOK here has it like crazy with the, as I stated, practically super-powered educated slave who wrote her own story and testifies to the British courts. I wonder if its planned to elicit even more “isn’t that just terrible!” thoughts from the audience, that maybe wouldn’t happen if the lead was an uneducated thief or something? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it seems manipulative at best, and judgmental at worst.

That’s enough for now. I’m going to have to dig DJANGO UNCHAINED out for a re-watch. I identify more with rage and anger against racism and injustice than what these ones chose to depict.

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